Cats: Are They As Smart As They'd Have Me Believe?

I've been musing. My musing took place in my back garden because I use the front garden for cleaning the car, talking to my neighbours Pat and Mike and for storing my rubbish. I sometimes use the front garden for other functions but for the life of me I can't think what. Does this mean I need to write a blog about my front garden? Yes. It probably does.

Now. To the question in hand - Cats: Are They As Smart As They'd Have Me Believe?
This is a fairly easy question to answer. However, I intend to make a right meal of it. I believe cats aren't smart at all. Let's look at some of the facts.

Just about all of the evidence in favour of cats being smart is attributable to the Little Old Lady (LOL) Theory. This is a theory in which a LOL attributes their cat's failure to obey the simplest of commands as an indication of some kind of intelligent thought process. This is a mistake on the part of the LOL and the millions of cat lovers who listen to them without questioning the LOL's sanity (or their credentials when dealing with the cranial goings-on of the cat as a species). I shall be exploring LOLs sanity and other befuddled aspects of their life in a future post which I'm titling: LOLs: Are They As Smart As They'd Have Me Believe Or Nuttier Than A Jar of SunPat Peanut Butter?

The following is a transcript of a conversation that never happened between two LOL's I'm calling Edna and Irene. It will illustrate my point and make me look clever despite evidence to the contrary. A bit like how being a cat works.

EDNA:Oh, yes, that's typical of our cat. He won't do a single thing we tell him to do. He's SO independent.
IRENE: Well, Edna, that's cats all over isn't it? They're highly intelligent, you know. Not like dogs. Dogs are daft.
EDNA: Oh, don't talk to me about dogs, Reen. I can't abide dogs.
IRENE: Nor me. They've no backbone. Not like cats. Cats do have a backbone.
EDNA: That's right, Reen. They do. And lungs. And a liver. But dogs!
IRENE: Do they not have lungs and liver's, Ed?
EDNA: I expect so, Reen. But they're only copying cats.
IRENE: Is that where the term 'copycat' comes from, do you think?
EDNA: I do, Reen. In fact, I'd put my bingo money on it.
IRENE: Oh, don't do that, Ed. That would be foolish.
EDNA: You're right, Reen. It would be foolish. It's the type of thing a dog might do.
IRENE: That's true. Dogs love to gamble. My daughter-in-law has a picture of a group of dogs seated around a table playing cards and smoking cigarettes.
EDNA: Were any of the dogs Beagles, Reen?
IRENE: I think there might have been one or two Beagles, Ed, yes. Why do you ask?
EDNA: Well, Beagles are known for it. Beagles love a good fag.
IRENE: Well, I never knew that. You see, you wouldn't catch a cat playing cards and smoking a cigarette, would you, Ed?
EDNA: Goodness know. They're far to intelligent to gamble and smoke.
IRENE: Not in front of humans, at any rate.
EDNA: That's right, Reen. They'd wait until we weren't looking.
IRENE: Exactly, Edna. And that is why cats are smarter than dogs.

And there you have it. Using the LOL Theory I have established beyond reasonable (or unreasonable) doubt that cats are as thick as two, or even three, short planks. And that old ladies, especially Irene and Edna, are stupid or senile, or both.