An Introduction.

Hello
AN INTRODUCTION: PLUS, WONDERFUL NEWS FOR MOTORISTS.
Just recently I've been looking at the world with increasing confusion. Do you remember those picture books at school that had images of Neanderthal Man in them? He'd always be in profile so that his overhanging brow looked as if it might tip over his beady little cave man eyes at any moment. Well, that's how I look for most of the time. The expression on my face is a cross between unbridled stupidity and utter confusion. Very much like how I'd imagine my Neanderthal Man must have looked on the day he first clapped his beady eyes on the scantily clad Rachel Welch as she ran (suggestively) past the mouth of his cave closely followed by a rampant dinosaur.

I now spend a good deal of my time gawping at the ever-changing world with a mixture of awe, curiosity and fear. What is more, with every day that passes, I'm discovering that my confusion is slowly giving way to a much darker emotion - anger. So I thought: how can I vent this new-found anger? How best to cope with it? Should I bottle it up? Should I go to Speakers' Corner? Should I pay a psychoanalyst to bore into my brain and tell me why I'm so angry? But then I thought a bit more and realised that bottling things up causes heart attacks: Speakers' Corner is too far away and speaking to a psychoanalyst is far too expensive. Luckily a friend of mine happened to mention that she wrote a blog. That was it! A cheap and cheerful alternative. I might even get some replies with tips on anger management. What could be better?

So, with the idea of saving oodles of pennies I set about creating this, my very first blog. The title of my blog: 'SENSEI BUFFOON!' took me an age to choose, but I think it explains me rather well. I am a kind-of teacher but also a bit of a goon (or buffoon). But despite these two handicaps I have come to the conclusion that I really should be running this country (and eventually the entire world). I definitely know more about everything than anyone else. So, this little blog is where I begin my campaign to rule the world and put everybody straight. However SENSEI BUFFOON! won't only be about my desire for world dominance and correcting those of you that think (hilariously) that you know better than me. No. I'll also be taking a look at what's happening in my world and you'll be party to a selection of my most profound thoughts and ideas. I bet you can't wait! And, as an added extra, I'm hoping that you might find my blog amusing. However, let us not forget, for the most part the topics I shall be discussing on here will be of an extremely important nature. And I shall be offering some fascinating solutions to as yet unsolved problems. For all of you who chose to follow me, your journey is at an end. Just relax, your search is over. I am the answer.

Let's begin with that favourite and most interesting of topics: Road Safety.

Do any of you remember the rather chilling Ministry of Transport advert on TV aimed at getting motorists to slow down? The opening scene was of a young girl of about seven lying by the side of the road: her mangled frame wrapped around a rather lovely looking oak tree. It quickly transpired that the little girl had been knocked down and left for dead by some boy racer type motorist. I'm guessing he was a council house tenant on route to his local Social Security Office in order to pick up his giro - before paying a visit to a drug dealer's house for his weekly supply of weed.
Anyway, as the advert progresses we learn (via the power of the voice over) that, had 'Drugy McGiro-Boy' been paying attention instead of trying to drive, roll a spliff and skin up at all the same time, the little girl would have lived. If only our benefits-grabbing-drug-addled-council-house-renting motorist had stuck to the 30mph speed limit the poor broken little girl would still be making her way to wherever it was she was making her way to. Who would have thought it? Something as simple as adhering to the speed limit could actually save countless young lives. It's got to be a good thing, hasn't it?

Well, yes, but then I got thinking. The next time I see a child crossing the road, and I'm late for an appointment at my chiropodists, do I actually have to stop? Surely, if I just slow down to around twenty-five mph, the collision won't be a fatal one. Everyone wins. The child, having lived through a near death experience, will be the wiser for it and I will not be late for my much needed bunion-paring session.